Dare I write this in my blog? Write what I am feeling today? The ick?

I woke up with the knowing that I had better take care of my bills today, pretty sure that I had more than enough in my account to take care of March. Well, I don’t. At first I gasped, then pulled myself together, gettin a grip. That didn’t last for long as a friend called and asked how I was doing. Boom, blam, splat, sniff, cough. Sob. What the h-e-double hockey sticks? Haven’t I been doing what I have felt I needed to do? Haven’t I been a good girl, God?

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I am grateful for all I have and feel in this moment. Where we get into trouble is focusing forward or backward. Making a decision to be grateful in this moment puts our focus on this moment, where there is only peace, allowing love to reign. Breathing in, breathing out.

Practice being in the moment, be with your breath. Make it louder than your thoughts. I learned this thru my yoga practice. Ujai breath, the ocean breath is like making the sound of fogging a mirror with your mouth closed. There is a rumbling in the throat and it puts the thoughts squarely on the breath, the moment. Sit or stand tall, with your eyes closed if that is possible. Breath in thru your nose, feeling the breath move through your nostrils and throat. Breath out through your nose, hearing your breath, feeling your breath. Allow any thoughts that come in to move through. Witness your thoughts and let them know you’ll catch up to them later…maybe

Gratitude, being grateful for what or who is with us, what we feel as a result, creates an entire shift from sinking energy to flowing energy, allowing energy. It takes some practice as we are culturally in the habit of attempting to control nearly every aspect of our lives. With the current mood of the media, it is a habitual inclination to close down, tighten our belts, stop the flow. Change the habit, be kind with yourself as your turn your ship around. And keep practicing being grateful in the moment. And ask for help when it’s needed. You may be doing someone a great favor, giving that person a place to give.

It is in the giving that we receive our greatest gifts. In peace and love…Breah

I’ve been waiting to write again until I could write something that would be uplifting, out of my pain of the death of my friend and housemate 2 weeks ago nearly to the hour as I write. The phone call at 9 am on Sunday morning from his ex telling me that he’d finally and unretrievably given up on life was like a wrecking ball slamming into my heart. The roller coaster of emotions that ensued does not stop. I wake this morning in pain, screaming at him for what he did.

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