Change is an ally, not an enemy. Everyone I know seems to be in the midst of change. Those who are in the most pain are the ones who are clinging to what was. Last fall when it seemed that we were on the brink of something big in this country with predictions of what has happened economically, I made a decision. It occured to me that during any downturn there were also things that turned upward. I decided I would be part of the upturn. How have I fared?

At first it was easy. I had a great job that I knew would feed me for a few months after it was over. I had a beautiful friend sharing my home, filling my everyday life with adventure. As those few months passed, it seemed I was given ample opportunity to keep that upturned attitude in the face of big sorrow and change. You’ll have to read earlier posts for details because if I get going on that again, I’ll never get to my point of this post.

In the last couple weeks it has become more of a challenge to keep standing straight. Work has slowed up and I am grieving my friend. However, as a result of creating a habit of looking to what is lighter and strengthening my trust muscle, I am feeling hopeful.

Things have changed. We are now in what anthropologist Victor Turner spoke of as the “time between no longer and not yet”. We see it in nature at this time of year. It is not winter and it is not yet settled into the warmth of spring. Trees and flowers are budding and yet we still see the barren branches. One day it is warm and the next it is cold and rainy. We are given just enough of what we long for to let us know it is coming, keep us dreaming of what is to come.

Like the flowers of last summer, we are preparing for new life. There is nothing for us to do to ensure this new life, other than stay in trust that it is happening already and has been since we began turning inward in the fall. And…drink in these days of seeming stillness, paying attention, staying alert for the next steps.

Take it easy. Invariably this comes out of my mouth as I am leaving someone, either in person, on the phone and sometimes in an email. And just about as many times I think about what those words mean. Take it easy. Take what easy? Life. Take it easy through the day as stuff comes up, as stuff will. It always does. When least expected.

Wrapping ourselves up around the stuff holds it tight, ensuring we keep it for a while until some emotion comes along and helps us to release it. Instead of doing the spider trick and weaving a web of “of course” around it, take a look at whatever it is and know that it is going to move through with or without our help.

If there is something that can be done, great. Do it. If not, take a deep breath, make a prayer of whatever your intention is for the outcome and let it go. Trust and let the river flow.

“When you try your best but you don’t succeed, when you get what you want but not what you need, when you feel so tired but you can’t sleep…and the tears come streaming down your face, when you lose something you can’t replace, when you love someone but it goes to waste…Lights will guide you home and ignite your bones. And I will try to fix you.”

I’ve been listening to “Fix You” by Coldplay for the last couple weeks. A Facebook friend posted the video a week after Markus died and I went straight to iTunes and downloaded the song. It seemed to describe my intent to help him see the possibilities life offered him. Was I doing something wrong, trying to “fix” him? Had I failed at “fixing” him? Can we “fix” someboday? Can I “fix” myself?

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