Maybe you have noticed that I have been having difficulty writing every day for the last few weeks. Apparently I am in resistance to digging a little further into the truth. In these early weeks of 2010 I seem to be having an identity crisis. Who am I? Am I the person I think I am? When someone asks me what do I do, I respond with a clutch in my throat that I am an artist, a writer, a teacher, and finally that I make my living through graphic design. And I wait for some sort of etheric affirmation that doesn’t come clearly enough for me to believe I am right. And then how could I not be? The measure seems to be where does the money come from. I can only settle into the last part of the statement, making my living through graphic design. Kind of my blessed little fall back since I haven’t been able to slug through creating my living through what I believe is my purpose, my calling. And so I write my blog, I illustrate Verbal Remedies and post them, and offer them for sale. Hoping something sticks well enough to create traction. What does traction look like? Traction is the number of readers of this blog growing exponentially, sales of the product line taking off and supporting me, teaching gigs at least once a month, having a consistent partner to work with daily. “Where two or more are gathered, amazing things begin…”

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Click on image below to listen to Verbal Remedies podcast.

This weekend was full up with possibilities as the moon rose to full. Yesterday I went to Jubilee!, a “creation spirituality” church in downtown Asheville. I don’t go so much anymore, though when I do I am always touched either briefly or deeply. Yesterday was deeply moving. A friend I hadn’t seen in 6 years came up from Raleigh. When I knew him, he was sad because he wished his life to be full of love, a wife, a family. He came back yesterday with his family to celebrate his son’s 4 year old birthday. To see the peace and the joy on their faces filled me up with love like a rushing river of hope. Howard Hangar’s (the minister) theme for the day was magic. Seeing the magic. When we see the magic, we can have it. If we miss it, we cannot have it. Look for the magic this week. It is all around you.

Well, here it is. The Earthship is shaking some of the dust off…that would be us. Can you not hear the call to get busy? Sitting in your stuff twirling it around isn’t getting anything done. Get up, get out, do what you came here to do, be who you came here to be. Now is the time. What do you need to happen in your life to get your attention? Do you need some personal tragedy to wake up? Or can you take a deep breath, stretch out your legs, place your feet on the floor and get moving? Do whatever it is that comes to you as the most fruitful thing you can do with who you are. If it simply means being a nicer person, do that. Start there, in fact. However nice you are, however kind and loving you are, step it up a notch. Surely a song has been written about all this? We’ve sung it, we’ve danced to it, we hear it in our head. “There’s a place in your heart and I know that it is love. and the place could be much brighter than tomorrow…Heal the world, make it a better place.”

My mother sent this to me. My grandmother would have been the woman to whom this was addressed. Thanks to all the women who made things different for us here in the 21st century.

Here we are mid-way through the week and I am just getting back enough in my head to write some Verbal Remedies. If you’ve been reading, you know that last week I was in Phoenix filming a movie in Tent City. If you haven’t been reading, now you know. Tent City is part of the Arizona prison system. People who are arrested for DUI are sent to Tent City. Have you ever had a drink and then gotten behind the wheel of your car? If you’re like a whole lot of people, you have. If you are like the people I saw in the tents, you’ve gotten caught. You don’t have to be intoxicated to be arrested. One drink will send you to jail in Arizona and make your financial world turn upside down with fines cresting $10,000. Then for a year you are reminded (if not for other reasons) by the breathilizer installed in your car in order to make it start.

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Tomorrow I am flying to Phoenix to be in a film that is being shot in the Arizona prison, Tent City. The film is about being arrested and charged with a DUI. In Arizona, there is no way out once arrested. You are going to jail and your life will never be the same. I know, not firsthand but second hand. Two people very close to me have been charged with a DUI, a year apart. I spoke with both of them as they went in, during the days when they were given opportunity to call out, and afterward. One of the things that has come out of these experiences is this movie.

As I head into this experience, I am aware of the fear that rises up in me…

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No matter what your own personal beliefs are about Valentine’s Day, it is. Valentine’s Day. I am happy one such day exists. We do forget, as we go along on our way through the world that is a bit tougher than what we have been used to at present to focus on love. Today we are reminded by hearts everywhere that today is a day to focus on love. We have the excuse to be corny, cute, and extra loving today. You gotta admit, what the world needs now is love, sweet love. So forget that the retail world is asking us to dig into our wallets and buy, buy, buy, followed within a breath of the green holiday coming up. Buy it or not. Give love to everyone today, starting with yourself. If that seems too big a task, just find something about yourself that you think is pretty cool and realize that you are pretty happy to be you, warts and all. When you fill up with that enough that you feel like love is leaking out of your pores, go out into the world. Go to the grocery store and be extra nice to the cashier. Exude the joy of being alive. Walk up and down the aisles buying your food and, whether you even make eye contact with someone, that feeling of love will wash through them when you pass by. I know. Corny, right? Well, hey. It’s Valentine’s Day.

How many people are out there wishing for that magical moment when the love of their life walks in the door, shows up next to them in the grocery line, bumps into them on the street, writes that email of interest from the online dating site? It is the week leading up to our Hallmark celebration of love day…Valentine’s Day. A whole lot of people are feeling the gaping hole created by red heart-shaped boxes lining the front of the grocery store isles, and various messages throughout all the media that screams “you’re nobody till somebody loves you!” Or maybe that’s just me… My wish for this week is that everybody, who has the slightest romantic interest in someone, take the leap and ask him or her out. Open to the possibility that person will say a resounding “yes”. I believe there is at least one someone for everyone. So…take a deep breath. Open your heart and go for it. And report back to me.

Normally I don’t start my day looking at the news as it tends to affect my mood. I don’t like starting out the day with sadness. This morning I had to do some online banking and when I was done clicked over to CNN.com. I read the article and listened to the clip about James Ray being arrested for the deaths of the 3 people in his Sedona sweatlodge last fall. As I watched him walk into the prison, he seemed to be falsely holding his head high, feigning dignity. At least I hope that was why his body language reflected a “holier than thou” attitude. I imagine he is afraid. He is human. A human who got lost in the power of inspiring people to greater heights.

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Is it a divine plan that as a general rule, the people of this country are too frightened to peer too long into what is really going on? We divert. Movies, TV, romance day-to-dayness. We have dumbed ourselves down into a “you do it…and fast” kind of people. We endure hardship without a lot of grace. “Whose fault is it I am unemployed?” Perhaps it is a trick of fate and perhaps it is self-inflicted and perhaps it is both. Our mentality is “who can I sue to make me feel better?”

Okay. So that is only part of us. Another voice, very quickly becoming a loud voice of peaceful union, is growing. I am taking my place in this vast group of beings. Now as I write. I agree to be courageous to a point that keeps me personally safe. That’s my limitation I hope I have earned. I intend to live in peace and love for many decades to teach the children. I have much to do and much to teach and I have only just begun to live…white lace and promises