Though I did lead off the evening, what followed were people I am most humbled to be in the company of. Please take some time to watch the livestream. The day before was TEDxNGA, the kid’s version though there was nothing childlike about their talks, other than their innate wisdom pouring through without barrier. A lovely way to be childlike.

Enough said. I’d rather you spent your time checking out the talks. I’ll write more at some point. Big life changes.

For me the answer is yoga and even more clearly so today as I realize that my practice has fallen way off and that must be the reason why my mind is working its way around itself, going over and over similar thoughts. The yoga studio where I’d been practicing 3-4 times a week has closed for more reasons than the economic outlook. I’ve found a new studio that is not nearly so convenient distance or class time-wise. I’m having to create a new habit amidst the chaos, find my peaceful road while my mind jumps from one thought to another. My routine has been upset and my way to getting a new one seems unclear.

What I know is this feeling and situation is temporary. Been here many times and done this many times. And it is not so bad. I mean after all, I’ve got my health, my work, my family and friends, my barking companions (part of the chaos at any time) and a fairly positive outlook. So what to do? Write for one thing. Doing this is helpful. Having some one or two of you reading this is incentive. Who are you? Write to me and the others (more than one or two) reading this Verbal Remedies blog and talk about your own way of getting into a peaceful place and still participate in your life.

Another thing I will do is pull out my yoga mat and create my own practice here at home. I haven’t even been so good at that lately. I’ve kind of slumped away from all that holds me up strongly while I’ve been taking care of biznis. A dear friend who is studying astrology has told me that all of this is “in the stars” and planets. That is a relief and so is listening to the stories of other people who are experiencing their version of my story.

Ultimately, there is a deep trust that resides in me that all is just fine and somehow-someway there is a plan and a reason for all of it. I’ve seen pretty good results in my life from that line of thinking and belief. As Dorey says with her big fish smile, “Just keep swimming, just keep swimming.” Now go clean the toilet.

Tune in next time to see if shift happens and Breah can really let go…dum de dum dum dahhhhhhh! Cut to commercial.

My relationship with my mother is the latest gift. A few weeks ago I answered her Skype call to the sound of her saying loudly and with conviction “Oh my God, you look like hell!” I was stunned. I was on my way out the door, ready to face my world, feeling just fine with myself. She said it again. “You do. You look like hell!” To add insult to injury, there was a computer technician sitting at her desk. I said “Well, I guess my mother thinks I look like hell. I’m gonna go now.” And I clicked off-line.

Phew. I sat there breathing, knowing she did not or could not have meant to hurt me. She loves me, right? Within a short time Mom began Skyping me, calling my cell. I let them all ring for a couple days until I knew what to do. I wrote her an email and let her know without animosity that was not appropriate for me. Within hours, she left a voicemail and wrote an email profusely apologizing for what she said. That may not seem like much to you but to me that was a gift of my entire lifetime. I don’t remember a single time my mother ever said she was sorry to me for anything…and in my mind there’s been a ton of stuff she could’ve and should’ve apologized for. I said a prayer of amazed thanks to whatever it was that supported that to happen because it has changed my life and my relationship with my mother.

Immediately afterward I spent 5 days with her at my brother’s house in Austin. We flew together from Atlanta and returned together to Atlanta. I enjoyed every minute I had with her. I particularly enjoyed her girlish happiness at the thought of being in love and engaged to be married. She had called this year her “swan song” and I truly think she believed she would die this year. The only thing about her that died is that wall she had built up around her heart that kept her safe from loving and being loved. Hooray!

I Skyped with her today and saw this woman who is so very happy and I cried. I fill up with tears at the thought right now. My mother is deliciously happy and in love. The man she loves decided she was his “the one” last December and up until 3 weeks ago Mom considered Russ “too nice”. Today she described him as differently. She described him with the love that is growing inside her for him. I feel so much gratitude that my mother is now looking at life through very different eyes. She is looking with eyes of love.

Ahhhhmen.

This morning I wake to sunshine and birds chirping after several days of dark skies and the sound of rain. I love the rain and I love the sunshine. I also wake to the commitment I made over the weekend that today I start a body cleanse. That means juicing, no solid food for days. There is a voice inside that is telling me as loudly as I will let it speak that I will not make it…again. I’ve attempted juicing and fasting and normally don’t make it past lunchtime, giving in to the voice that says I can’t. “It’s too hard. What are you doing this for? To get skinny? To attract a man? What makes you think that when you’re thinner it’ll be any different? Might as well eat…”

Last week I went to hear Cheri Huber speak at Malaprops Book Store in Asheville. I bought her latest book “Making a Change for Good – A Guide to Compassionate Self-Discipline” because I wanted to keep this connection going that opened while Cheri talked. I felt deeply, excitedly inspired. Not because Cheri was saying anything that I wasn’t aware of and wholeheartedly believe myself. Because she was saying them with enthusiasm, humor, lightness and she is an older woman. There is still time for me.

So I’m out in the garden this morning, starting this day with a little read and meditation. I know it might sound silly, but I had no idea that this book was going to be of any particular service to me. Of course it is the right thing at the right time, or so it seems this morning. I’ve been looking for a sharp focus for the yoga classes I am teaching this month. Found it. Compassionate self-discipline. I need it. We need it.

Cheri talks about the “voice” that talks us out of our hopes, our dreams, our decisions. It is called the “conditioned mind”, the one we grew into from the moment we entered this world and the one that we resist and eventually let go of in our moving into wisdom. It is the voice that the practice of yoga quiets. It is the practice of being present in the moment. The voice does not live in the moment.

I learned a tool a few years ago of giving the voice a new job. When I become aware of the voice having an intention to rule the roost, I acknowledge its presence and give it a new job. It needs a new job and I’ve given it the job of running out into the world and bringing back to me the things that I require to create the life of my dreams. Should keep it busy for a long time.

Pretty much rambling this morning without a sharp focus. I hear the voice saying stuff about me not really being a writer, who reads my blog anyway, gotta get to some work that will earn me some money…noisy little booger. Off with ye. (Been using English Pirate on FB) Get thee out there in the world and bring me back some bounty!

The Spectrum of Intentions from Go Gratitude

Wrapping ourselves up around the stuff holds it tight, ensuring we keep it for a while until some emotion comes along and helps us to release it. Instead of doing the spider trick and weaving a web of “of course” around it, take a look at whatever it is and know that it is going to move through with or without our help.

If there is something that can be done, great. Do it. If not, take a deep breath, make a prayer of whatever your intention is for the outcome and let it go. Trust and let the river flow.

Feed Yourself!

I woke up with the knowing that I had better take care of my bills today, pretty sure that I had more than enough in my account to take care of March. Well, I don’t. At first I gasped, then pulled myself together, gettin a grip. That didn’t last for long as a friend called and asked how I was doing. Boom, blam, splat, sniff, cough. Sob. What the h-e-double hockey sticks? Haven’t I been doing what I have felt I needed to do? Haven’t I been a good girl, God?

I guess I can stop that kind of thinking. Not doing me much good. My nose is sore from blowing. My eyes feel kinda poofy, probably are. And still I managed to get a sign designed for my daughter’s biz and get off a couple product proposals to a catalog. And dampen another friend’s shoulder. Geez. I have done enough of that lately. And not enough apparently because there still seems to be more. What is the loss of Markus and what is the loss of income? Or is it both entertwined so that my heart feels like someone is wringing it out?

Then of course I go to the place of what I do have. I do have great love in my life with the people who are in it. I live in a sweet little house, drive a nice car, have great health (other than my current emotional state). I saw Slumdog Millionaire. I have nothing to cry about in comparison. My life has been quite blessed. And yet I feel frightened, angry, sad, guilty, and yes, I feel hopeful too.

I feel hopeful. Am I nuts? Just one look around the internet and a normal person might wonder what there is to be hopeful about. Crazily I can see a lot. We have elected a president who talks as a real person, has a real family, understands real people. There is a portrayal of everything being in the toilet and yet I cannot believe that. How can it all be in the toilet? Isn’t it scientific that when something is down, something else is up? Seesaw.

So where is the up? It’s in the wide grin of my granddaughter, the recognition of my other granddaughter via iChat, the huge Leonine energy of my grandson, the love and acceptance as “GG” of my stepgrandchildren. It’s in the daffodil that is about the bloom in my front yard. It is my dog asleep on a couch she isn’t supposed to be on. It’s the laughter of Markus’ daughter. It’s going to see Michael Franti tonight. It is the warmth of the sun shining through my window, the cardinal that seems to be making a nest under it. That would be a good start.

Looking into her face as she shared her story I faced my greatest fear. My friend had lost everything: her marriage, home, and almost all her savings. “I’m starting over,” she said matter-of-factly, “and that’s not so bad.” Not so bad! I thought. It’s the worst thing that could happen.

The supports holding up her life were being cut out from underneath her, yet she was still standing. She was standing even taller than before.

Less than one month ago, another friend was sharing a similar story. He was on the verge of bankruptcy. His income source had dried up, and his life savings were quickly dwindling. His beautiful house was on the market, and he was desperately trying to sell his beloved grand piano.

While my two friends’ situations are similar, the way each is dealing with them is not. One is racked with anxiety; the other is calm, almost serene. What appears to be a closed door to one is a swinging door to the other. Walking through it, she is entering a new life and a new way of being.

Originally, she came to me for advice, but I became the student. In sharing her life, my friend was teaching me how to face turmoil with grace. As she talked, three strategies for coping with crisis emerged.

One: Practice gratitude.

“How do you stay so positive?” I asked.

“I’m no saint. I have my moments,” she admitted. “There are days when all I can do is cry. But most days, I focus on all I have to be grateful for, and that list is a lot larger than you may think.

“I’m grateful for my friends, family, and for my health. I’m also thankful for my car, my clothes, my work, and this beautiful day.

“I’m also thankful for this difficult time, even though that may sound crazy,” she continued. “In it is a life lesson if I’m open to learning.”

“A life lesson?” I asked.

“Sure, think about it, Randy. Don’t you grow more in times of crisis than when everything’s going your way?”

She was right. I grew more during my divorce than at any other time in my life. My divorce was one of those defining moments. My friend was helping me to see that dark time in a whole new light.

Not long ago, I saw a television show on spirituality. A woman who was going through a bankruptcy asked a panel of spiritual counselors for advice. “Focus on what you have to be grateful for,” one counselor concluded. “Start out small if you must, but start somewhere.

“For example, be thankful that you are breathing, and if you are on a breathing machine, be thankful for the machine.”

It’s been said in many ways, by many different people that in order to change your life, you must change your thoughts. Practice gratitude always, but practice it especially during times of crisis.

Two: Align your life with your values.

Crisis brings clarity because it beckons us to reexamine our values. Crises are wake-up calls, and wake-up calls come in different forms. My father’s came after his first heart attack. Health, one of his values, had been neglected. In realigning his life with his values, he changed his diet, lost weight, and began to exercise daily. These activities added years to his life as well as life to his years.

Our current economic crisis is causing many Americans to reexamine their values. The Cadillac Escalade in the carport doesn’t seem as important as it once was. We are being invited as a society to be less materialistic and more spiritual, and many are heeding the call.

Have you identified your core values or guideposts for living?  If I were to ask you for your top seven, could you rattle them off within a few minutes? Most of us would need some time to think.

Take time for introspection and catalog your top seven values. Then look at your life to see if you are living them. I did this recently and set a goal to review my core values—along with my purpose statement—before making every major decision, instead of unconsciously selecting which path to take.

Three: Flow, don’t fight.

Midwives say that if a mother fights the pain of childbirth, she delays the birth. It’s when she surrenders that the baby comes. Crisis is a lot like childbirth; we have to surrender to the pain of letting go.
The Buddhists teach nonattachment, and for me it’s a tough lesson. I want to hold on to the known even when the known is not that great. I cling and clinch until a big wave hits and pries me off the rocks and into the river. It’s then that I remember the river guides’ advice.

When you go white-water rafting, the guides tell you that if you are thrown from the raft, put your feet up, and flow with the river. In crisis, we’d be smart to follow the same advice.

Flowing with the river doesn’t excuse us from action. Action is imperative in order to move ahead with our lives. But a different type of action is called for; it’s inspired action. Inspired action requires us to set intention and act upon inspiration. Follow the energy; act on those intentions that carry a lot of “juice.”

I hope to never face what my two friends are facing. Losing financial security is one of my greatest fears. Still, like an unwanted houseguest, crisis surely will come to visit from time to time. Rarely does one go through life unscathed.

When crisis comes I will find strength in remembering my friend’s three strategies: practice gratitude; align your life with your values; and flow, don’t fight. By practicing them, I will stand tall through any storm.

Copyright 2009 Randy Siegel, All rights reserved.