OMG. A few weeks ago, I was asked to speak at TEDx Asheville. I nominated myself months ago, hoping and also frightened to be chosen. I’m going to speak about The Earth Pledge of Allegiance. Honored doesn’t truly describe the feeling I have. It is more than that. It is a dream showing itself in a different manner than I had expected and planned for. To make God laugh, tell him or her your plans. It’s funny when things start happening that you’ve dreamed about. For instance, my son now lives in my town. I didn’t dare think it was really going to happen and now it has, along with his little family. But you read about that in a prior post. Speaking to a crowd of people with the intention of inspiring them. That is a big piece of my dream. Another little fear I have about it is that it won’t happen again. Funny, right? Scared to do it. Scared not to. Scared it is a flash in the pan. A blip in my life. Perhaps I should change the name of my design studio. http://blipstudio.com A blip in time. blip is the first letters of my name…Breah Livolsi Parker. Or Barbra Livolsy Parker. I changed my name. I started out in this world as Barbara Jean Livolsy. I become Barbara Jean Livolsy Parker at 18. Became Barbra Parker at age 22. Finally Breah Livolsi Parker in 1999. Change the name. Change the way of being. Change how others view you.

I’ve always been a very nice person and I was also quite bitchy. I looked at the world with a negative eye. I complained or criticized more than I allow myself to remember. At one point I realized it and decided to practice positive. Flip the coin. Turn left instead of right. My family laughed at me and still I know they learned from me. When I divorced their father, they rejected the changes I began making. Where was their mother? I was told more than once “We just want our mother back.”

That was a tough one to swallow. I was their mother, couldn’t they see that? It was really that I couldn’t see that. I was wrapped up in finding myself. I wish I had done that before I had children. Would’ve saved everyone a lot of pain. But I didn’t. And so they witnessed their mother scrapping for her life, being attracted to all the “wrong” men, being fearful of my ability to pay my rent, losing my business over and over again. They also saw me do things like become an actor on the stage. Take up a new absolutely perfectly fitting business by saying yes to something I had never done before. Being a vegetarian. Not being a vegetarian. Smoking. Not smoking. And they have watched me age. I have watched me age. They have watched me come back to earth after flying every which way.

“When you come to the edge of all you know, you’re either given legs to stand on or wings to fly.”

And now I know how to use my wings to lift off in a purposeful direction. Along the way I have been given gifts. One of which is the Earth Pledge of Allegiance. I did not write it. I borrowed it from an anonymous source, given to me by Terry Deal, the environmental ed director for Evergreen Elementary School here in Asheville. I added “with Peace and LOVE for all” when I illustrated it for the second time. That time we launched a program called Peace and Love for All. Dot com. We set up a website, with curriculum and sales of the poster, bookmark and peace & love sticker. We were gifted a banner by a company whose name escapes me right now and I’ll find out and let you know later. We were gifted the printing of rain forest certified printed Earth Pledge posters. Personally I was gifted with a few people who were willing to trot off on this path with me. Michael Ashmore, Anna Booraem and Amy Ellisor. And of course Terry Deal.

So where is the program? Well, it is here today as I write. We are on the road to bringing awareness to children all over the world, as well as their parents and teachers, that we are stewards of this world, this planet, this Big Mama Earth. It is our job to bring peace to her. We have tapped into her soul. And we have violated it. Can we give back the lives of millions of beings, be they flora, fauna or the human version in the Gulf? We cannot and we CAN turn the ship around. It is turning. It is turning because of each one of us.

In making this Earth Pledge of Allegiance, we are saying we promise and keep that promise to be kind, be loving, be fair, be generous, be of service to all creatures…with the intent of PEACE and LOVE for ALL. No matter what. Trusting that from that place we change the world. We do it anyway. We change the world just by our very existence. Why not make it a positive one?

I pledge allegiance to the Earth

and the Flora…

the fauna…

and the Human Life

that it supports…

One Planet

indivisible, with

safe air, water and soil,

economic justice, equal rights, and

PEACE and LOVE FOR ALL.

For me the answer is yoga and even more clearly so today as I realize that my practice has fallen way off and that must be the reason why my mind is working its way around itself, going over and over similar thoughts. The yoga studio where I’d been practicing 3-4 times a week has closed for more reasons than the economic outlook. I’ve found a new studio that is not nearly so convenient distance or class time-wise. I’m having to create a new habit amidst the chaos, find my peaceful road while my mind jumps from one thought to another. My routine has been upset and my way to getting a new one seems unclear.

What I know is this feeling and situation is temporary. Been here many times and done this many times. And it is not so bad. I mean after all, I’ve got my health, my work, my family and friends, my barking companions (part of the chaos at any time) and a fairly positive outlook. So what to do? Write for one thing. Doing this is helpful. Having some one or two of you reading this is incentive. Who are you? Write to me and the others (more than one or two) reading this Verbal Remedies blog and talk about your own way of getting into a peaceful place and still participate in your life.

Another thing I will do is pull out my yoga mat and create my own practice here at home. I haven’t even been so good at that lately. I’ve kind of slumped away from all that holds me up strongly while I’ve been taking care of biznis. A dear friend who is studying astrology has told me that all of this is “in the stars” and planets. That is a relief and so is listening to the stories of other people who are experiencing their version of my story.

Ultimately, there is a deep trust that resides in me that all is just fine and somehow-someway there is a plan and a reason for all of it. I’ve seen pretty good results in my life from that line of thinking and belief. As Dorey says with her big fish smile, “Just keep swimming, just keep swimming.” Now go clean the toilet.

Tune in next time to see if shift happens and Breah can really let go…dum de dum dum dahhhhhhh! Cut to commercial.

My relationship with my mother is the latest gift. A few weeks ago I answered her Skype call to the sound of her saying loudly and with conviction “Oh my God, you look like hell!” I was stunned. I was on my way out the door, ready to face my world, feeling just fine with myself. She said it again. “You do. You look like hell!” To add insult to injury, there was a computer technician sitting at her desk. I said “Well, I guess my mother thinks I look like hell. I’m gonna go now.” And I clicked off-line.

Phew. I sat there breathing, knowing she did not or could not have meant to hurt me. She loves me, right? Within a short time Mom began Skyping me, calling my cell. I let them all ring for a couple days until I knew what to do. I wrote her an email and let her know without animosity that was not appropriate for me. Within hours, she left a voicemail and wrote an email profusely apologizing for what she said. That may not seem like much to you but to me that was a gift of my entire lifetime. I don’t remember a single time my mother ever said she was sorry to me for anything…and in my mind there’s been a ton of stuff she could’ve and should’ve apologized for. I said a prayer of amazed thanks to whatever it was that supported that to happen because it has changed my life and my relationship with my mother.

Immediately afterward I spent 5 days with her at my brother’s house in Austin. We flew together from Atlanta and returned together to Atlanta. I enjoyed every minute I had with her. I particularly enjoyed her girlish happiness at the thought of being in love and engaged to be married. She had called this year her “swan song” and I truly think she believed she would die this year. The only thing about her that died is that wall she had built up around her heart that kept her safe from loving and being loved. Hooray!

I Skyped with her today and saw this woman who is so very happy and I cried. I fill up with tears at the thought right now. My mother is deliciously happy and in love. The man she loves decided she was his “the one” last December and up until 3 weeks ago Mom considered Russ “too nice”. Today she described him as differently. She described him with the love that is growing inside her for him. I feel so much gratitude that my mother is now looking at life through very different eyes. She is looking with eyes of love.

Ahhhhmen.

This morning I wake to sunshine and birds chirping after several days of dark skies and the sound of rain. I love the rain and I love the sunshine. I also wake to the commitment I made over the weekend that today I start a body cleanse. That means juicing, no solid food for days. There is a voice inside that is telling me as loudly as I will let it speak that I will not make it…again. I’ve attempted juicing and fasting and normally don’t make it past lunchtime, giving in to the voice that says I can’t. “It’s too hard. What are you doing this for? To get skinny? To attract a man? What makes you think that when you’re thinner it’ll be any different? Might as well eat…”

Last week I went to hear Cheri Huber speak at Malaprops Book Store in Asheville. I bought her latest book “Making a Change for Good – A Guide to Compassionate Self-Discipline” because I wanted to keep this connection going that opened while Cheri talked. I felt deeply, excitedly inspired. Not because Cheri was saying anything that I wasn’t aware of and wholeheartedly believe myself. Because she was saying them with enthusiasm, humor, lightness and she is an older woman. There is still time for me.

So I’m out in the garden this morning, starting this day with a little read and meditation. I know it might sound silly, but I had no idea that this book was going to be of any particular service to me. Of course it is the right thing at the right time, or so it seems this morning. I’ve been looking for a sharp focus for the yoga classes I am teaching this month. Found it. Compassionate self-discipline. I need it. We need it.

Cheri talks about the “voice” that talks us out of our hopes, our dreams, our decisions. It is called the “conditioned mind”, the one we grew into from the moment we entered this world and the one that we resist and eventually let go of in our moving into wisdom. It is the voice that the practice of yoga quiets. It is the practice of being present in the moment. The voice does not live in the moment.

I learned a tool a few years ago of giving the voice a new job. When I become aware of the voice having an intention to rule the roost, I acknowledge its presence and give it a new job. It needs a new job and I’ve given it the job of running out into the world and bringing back to me the things that I require to create the life of my dreams. Should keep it busy for a long time.

Pretty much rambling this morning without a sharp focus. I hear the voice saying stuff about me not really being a writer, who reads my blog anyway, gotta get to some work that will earn me some money…noisy little booger. Off with ye. (Been using English Pirate on FB) Get thee out there in the world and bring me back some bounty!

The Spectrum of Intentions from Go Gratitude

Wrapping ourselves up around the stuff holds it tight, ensuring we keep it for a while until some emotion comes along and helps us to release it. Instead of doing the spider trick and weaving a web of “of course” around it, take a look at whatever it is and know that it is going to move through with or without our help.

If there is something that can be done, great. Do it. If not, take a deep breath, make a prayer of whatever your intention is for the outcome and let it go. Trust and let the river flow.

Feed Yourself!

I woke up with the knowing that I had better take care of my bills today, pretty sure that I had more than enough in my account to take care of March. Well, I don’t. At first I gasped, then pulled myself together, gettin a grip. That didn’t last for long as a friend called and asked how I was doing. Boom, blam, splat, sniff, cough. Sob. What the h-e-double hockey sticks? Haven’t I been doing what I have felt I needed to do? Haven’t I been a good girl, God?

I guess I can stop that kind of thinking. Not doing me much good. My nose is sore from blowing. My eyes feel kinda poofy, probably are. And still I managed to get a sign designed for my daughter’s biz and get off a couple product proposals to a catalog. And dampen another friend’s shoulder. Geez. I have done enough of that lately. And not enough apparently because there still seems to be more. What is the loss of Markus and what is the loss of income? Or is it both entertwined so that my heart feels like someone is wringing it out?

Then of course I go to the place of what I do have. I do have great love in my life with the people who are in it. I live in a sweet little house, drive a nice car, have great health (other than my current emotional state). I saw Slumdog Millionaire. I have nothing to cry about in comparison. My life has been quite blessed. And yet I feel frightened, angry, sad, guilty, and yes, I feel hopeful too.

I feel hopeful. Am I nuts? Just one look around the internet and a normal person might wonder what there is to be hopeful about. Crazily I can see a lot. We have elected a president who talks as a real person, has a real family, understands real people. There is a portrayal of everything being in the toilet and yet I cannot believe that. How can it all be in the toilet? Isn’t it scientific that when something is down, something else is up? Seesaw.

So where is the up? It’s in the wide grin of my granddaughter, the recognition of my other granddaughter via iChat, the huge Leonine energy of my grandson, the love and acceptance as “GG” of my stepgrandchildren. It’s in the daffodil that is about the bloom in my front yard. It is my dog asleep on a couch she isn’t supposed to be on. It’s the laughter of Markus’ daughter. It’s going to see Michael Franti tonight. It is the warmth of the sun shining through my window, the cardinal that seems to be making a nest under it. That would be a good start.