Nearly 2 decades ago…not really sure of the time frame…I made a decision to “practice positive”, switch around how I focused on things, situations and people around me. My well-entrenched habit was to look at things as though the bottom was about to fall out of any situation, if it hadn’t already. What I know now is that a shift in what I focus on in any given situation determines how I move through it and how it it affects those around me.

This weekend I made the decision to euthanize my little, wacky, beloved Shih Tzu, Chloe. “Put her to sleep” is more preferred as it portrays a loving kindness that was inherently wished for in taking the action.

My dear friend Amos stood through it with me. She helped me to stay grounded. Just by her presence as she freely and lovingly fed back to me my open thoughts. Guiding me to a stronger self.

The circle of fine women who gathered. Divinely given.

The support team at the vet hospital. Beautiful.

And Chloe. Brave Chloe. Strong Chloe. Loving Chloe. Feisty Chloe. Insistent Chloe. She kept us captive of a bit of tension in her later years. Still she delighted with her latest toy, the green alligator. Molly hasn’t touched it since Chloe has been gone. Molly is sad. She is my big briard that Chloe bullied. A site to see with the two of them playing tug of war inches from each others face. Chloe was a daredevil. Or she simply didn’t let size be a unit of measure of worth to her.

I pray she is at peace with my decision, that she is happy about it. That she is free of pain. That she knows she is loved and missed. That she is playing with Luci. Chloe and Luci. Namaste.

So all this traveling puts me out of touch with a consistent social network at home and my socializing seems to be primarily the teams I work with and a few really great friends I mostly hang out with via cell phone. One of those friends is my sister. We are having a renewed relationship as we both seem to be needing the other for a landing place in the rough seas. It is really nice to have her and the other women I talk with, of varying ages. My children are also a big part of my life, all grown up and growing families of their own. In fact we just added the newest family member last Saturday with the birth of my daughter’s daughter. Holding her today was a little slice of heaven and a big dose of what is real and important.

I am hoping that with my latest technological purchase of my iPad and downloading wordpress app that I will write more frequently and share what I hope is Interesting and inspiring. That remains to be seen.

Tomorrow I will talk to a group of artists, entrepreneurial creatives who have come to a free workshop about the legal side of their business of selling their art. What I bet is that these are people who are determined to make their world happen as they have envisioned. Though I am not sure of what I will say exactly, I am sure that my intent is for as many people as possible walking away with a renewed sense of appreciation for themselves. And a knowing that they are part of the change of this world, looking to organic beauty, looking to peace, looking to love.

I am excited because this is what I have planned to be my future, offering conversation with an audience, encouraging those people to be who they are because it is so much more than enough to make a difference in this world. I experimented with this last year when I thought I might be dying. I had no medical reason to think so, it was just a fear because my father died at my age most likely. Well I made it to this next birthday a couple weeks ago and, as life would have it, it seems rather than ending my life is just beginning once again. Perhaps that is what I sensed was dying, that person I had been being because I was afraid to be me.

And now, now that I am allowing myself to see myself, all kinds of wonderful things are showing up. Things that I had been trying so hard to  make happen are flowing more easily into my world. I am most grateful for all that I have and am getting pretty demanding that a couple that are outstanding find their way in. One is more wonderful work and the other is a romance…pretty standard fare. Match.com and eHarmony are not the answer. Are you possibly reading this? Dare to dream

A Hope Elder Speaks

“You have been telling the people that this is the Hour. And there are things to be considered…

Where are you living?

What are you doing?

What are your relationships?

Are you in right relation?

Where is your water?

Know your garden.

It is time to speak your Truth.

Create your community.

Be good to each other.

And do not look outside yourself for the leader.”

Then he clasped his hands together, smiled, and said, “This could be a good time!”

“There is a river flowing now very fast. It is so great and swift that there are those who will be afraid. They will try to hold on to the shore. They will feel they are torn apart and will suffer greatly.

“Know the river has its destination. The elders say we must let go of the shore, push off into the middle of the river, keep our eyes open, and our heads above water. And I say, see who is in there with you and celebrate. At this time in history, we are to take nothing personally, least of all ourselves. For the moment that we do, our spiritual growth and journey comes to a halt.

“The time for the lone wolf is over. Gather yourselves! Banish the word struggle from your attitude and your vocabulary. All that we do now must be done in a sacred manner and in celebration.

“We are the ones we’ve been waiting for.” –attributed to an unnamed Hopi Elder, Oraibi, Arizona

It’s been over a month since I wrote here last. Skipping through all that has happened, I land here today with a new household full of people I love. My son, his wife, 2 year old baby girl and their Golden Retriever have moved to Asheville and are staying with me until they find a place of their own. It reminds me of the story of the man (let’s call him KuKu) who goes to his guru for advice…

KuKu tells guru he is going crazy with his life. His wife and children are making him crazy. Guru tells KuKu to go home and bring his dogs and cats inside the house. KuKu does as he is told and goes back to guru and cries “It’s worse!” Guru says go home and bring in your ducks and geese. KuKu again does as he is told and again goes back to guru crying “It’s worse!” Guru tells him to go home and bring in all his cows and horses. KuKu once again does as he is told and returns to guru pulling his hair and pleading for guru to help him because “It’s worse, it’s worse!!!” Guru pulls up all his wisdom and tells KuKu to return home and take all the animals out of the house. KuKu does as he is told and returns to guru a refreshed and new man, full of gratitude for his life with his wife and children.

I’ve complained about being single, alone in my house. Not only do I have my son and his family but all of their possessions fill my garage and extra room (meant to be an art room). My granddaughter’s room is what used to be my studio. My bedroom now doubles as my work and sleeping space. For now, I am happy to have them here…the blessings outweigh the challenges. And I am leaving for Denver today for 4 days.

My trip to Denver is to be “the artist” as my line of Verbal Remedies™ matted prints and cards are announced the INATS gift show. I will also be graphically recording Marianne Williamson’s breakfast talk on Saturday. Check out my blipstudio website to see what this is. And I’ll tell you more when I return from Denver…

I’m in rehearsal for a play that will be performed in a little over a month. One of our actors has been out of town for the first 2 weeks of working together and returned last night. I didn’t realize just how much I missed his presence until he punctuated the rehearsal with his sense of humor, quipping quiet, generally unnoticed little phrases that made me laugh, if not out loud definitely on the inside. Those little brief vacations from the business at hand made the evening much lighter.

Humor seems to be a choice, though once in the habit of finding the lighter side it is much easier to slide into it. Almost 2 decades ago I realized that I was looking at my world from a pretty negative viewpoint and made a conscious decision to “practice positive”. My children and husband gave me wry looks, mocked gagging and generally resisted my new way of being. Mom seemed to be someone they did not recognize. In time they got used to it and it started to seep into their outlook. It was infectious.

People want to laugh. People want to see the good in the world, the lighter side. Negativity is a habit and can spiral a person down into a dark abyss without so much as a “come on down and set a spell”. Positivity is also a habit. The benefit of developing this habit is that no matter what is going on around, there is an ability to find a resting place for our resourceful spirit, a gathering of self and an ability to keep swimming when a moment before we might have felt too weary.

So, the story. What is it? It is whatever you want it to be. We create our stories with our outlook. When I first moved to Asheville, a new acquaintance invited me to dinner and a basketball game downtown. As we were leaving the restaurant for the game, she suggested we take one car as her belief was that it is difficult to find parking in Asheville. I told her that I always found parking and I had a parking space angel. She scoffed and called me “new age”. I convinced her to give it a try. Pretend. She begrudgingly went off to her car and me to mine. I arrived maybe 30 seconds before she did in the lobby of the arena. I was quite happy and she was miserably mumbling. I asked where she had parked. “The garage,” she grumbled. “So did I,” I sparkled. The same situation, two different realities. I was happy. She was not. Case closed.

I am grateful for a very healthy and strong body. It has not yet reached its peak, though I am moving towards it. My work has not yet reached its peak and I am moving toward that. I am well supported in life, up or down. Lately the roller coaster of emotions has been active yet subdued. I’ve got an awareness that all is well, no matter how it looks. People who seek peace and love are becoming more vocal. It is becoming more and more clear that it takes us coming together with a common intention to get things done. People are partnering and re-partnering, becoming more aware of each moment. “Make today today.” (lyrics from a song by James Taylor)  It’s another way of saying live in the moment. Make now now and not the next day or the day before.