“To put the world right in order, we must first put the nation in order; to put the nation in order, we must first put the family in order; to put the family in order, we must first cultivate our personal life; we must first set our hearts right.” Confucius

Over the weekend I had an “altercation” with a man who seemed determined to blame other people for his misery. It was the second weekend in a row that a man has flung his anger toward me for no reason I was aware of participating in. Last weekend was as simple as a mean comment because he wasn’t getting the attention he wanted as quickly as he wanted it…probably. Which probably came from some other belief…

I was working at my family’s café, Beans and Berries, and was called behind the register to take care of a void. I looked up as I saw the man walk to the register, smiled and continued doing what needed to be done in order to take his order. He made a comment that sounded like a teasing, happy thing and I looked up again, all open to what he said. Instead of being nice, as all of our customers have been, he spit out a few words letting me know he felt ignored. The words were laced with attack. I was shocked and the words went into my heart like someone hit my chest with a baseball bat. I hadn’t anticipated his anger and I didn’t know what to do other than apologize and begin to take his order, which I was then ready to do, though I truly wanted to tell him my reaction to his being mean. And I didn’t.

This weekend, on the way to the grocery store to pick up some yogurt for Beans and Berries, a man stopped short and quickly in the lane just a couple car lengths in front of me. He apparently felt the need to chastise someone for dipping the front of his car over the curb coming out of a fast food parking lot. As he was expressing his anger I was quickly averting rear-ending his car. Relieved that I had successfully managed to clear his bumper, I continued up the road feeling gratitude for paying attention at that moment.

A few seconds later, I heard the roar of the man’s car passing me and looked over in time to see him aggressively waving his middle finger at me. Again, shock. I made an agreement with myself that if he turned into the grocery store lot, I would make sure he knew his behavior was unacceptable. Sure enough he pulled in, I pulled in, and we met near the door. I informed him of what had occurred with an intention of being a teacher. Instead of listening, he told me to shut up and get out of his face. A fire ignited in my belly and I reacted with my own anger, albeit hushed. I turned to him and said “And do NOT give me the finger” and continued my very fast walk back to the dairy case. But he was not done. He muttered something that sounded even nastier and I turned again and told him he needed to go home. And I meant it. He was spilling his nasty feeling everywhere and even though I knew better I caught it and spun it back around. Out of the corner of my eye I saw people turn to see what was happening.
Behaving with random anger, from this level to walking in with a gun, is a way of blaming other people for what is perceived as injustice. Somebody has to pay and so we find someone or a group of someones to take responsibility because we won’t. It builds until it explodes all over the place. The answer is to take responsibility for our own life. We are the ones who create our world by our perception. We must take responsibility to change the things we can change within ourselves and accept the things we cannot change as the gift of opportunity for growth or just plain the experience of living in this world at this time. That is why I believe these men showed up in my life, to give me an opportunity to stretch my muscle of compassionate understanding and boundary setting. I imagine someone else will show up with their anger to give me another chance to move through such with sustained grace.

I hope that I am ready. It is my intention to lead with love.