As much as I want to escape from this feeling that I keep tucking back down inside of me, I know this time I want to stay all the way through. Stay where? Stay in the emotion that keeps nudging my diaphragm. Well it feels like my diaphragm. It’s in that region of the third chakra. The Manipura, the will power chakra. That seems to be the place where I generally stop the feeling and tamp it back down to the netherlands of my first and second chakras. No wonder I have low back pain. Got a bunch of stuff that sits there wishing to be expelled. And so I do, through my yoga practice. I let go. However I had so much stuff from past that needed to leave, I’m just now getting to the current issues at hand with some focus and clarity.

What’s up right now is I have just finished my 3^rd annual catalog project. I’ve learned to hold on through the year financially until I get to this place where I am fed generously monetarily. These last three years I was so starved for cash that I was like a person who has been without food or water and finds an oasis in the desert. My intention this year is to use the time and dollars wisely. Bank the money, continue to do other projects and move into what I love to do the most which is to offer inspiration to live a life we are most often afraid to look at, let alone live.

I developed some pretty good escape valves so I didn’t have to look at the fear of never achieving the full expression of what I consider to be my life’s work. Like finding a man to obsess over who isn’t interested in me, shopping for things that I am so excited that I can now afford, traveling to visit my kids who do not live in town (hey, they live in Aspen and Scottsdale so who can blame me when you add seeing them with a great place to be), obsess some more, fill my time with friends and wine and chocolate. Dream about my wishes while throwing lines in the water, hoping something unseen will bite to my mostly unattended hook.

This year, this opportunity around the same circle must be different and only I can make the difference. I know now that I am that teacher that I “want” to be. Nearly every day I am given the opportunity to be of some service, listening to friends, family, yoga students express their deep desire to be whole. What I give back I believe comes from a higher place of knowing as it comes without much thought. It seems to be a gift. My gift to give.

So now my “want” is to do this on a bigger scale. Write that inspiring second book that becomes a best seller this time, speak with listening audiences in packed auditoriums. Design product that supports the inspiration and inspires itself, (like an iphone app!) How is this going to happen? What do I need to do to create it? I ask and I listen for wisdom that is beyond my current knowing. And that’s where I am today. Staying with it.