This morning I wake to sunshine and birds chirping after several days of dark skies and the sound of rain. I love the rain and I love the sunshine. I also wake to the commitment I made over the weekend that today I start a body cleanse. That means juicing, no solid food for days. There is a voice inside that is telling me as loudly as I will let it speak that I will not make it…again. I’ve attempted juicing and fasting and normally don’t make it past lunchtime, giving in to the voice that says I can’t. “It’s too hard. What are you doing this for? To get skinny? To attract a man? What makes you think that when you’re thinner it’ll be any different? Might as well eat…”

Last week I went to hear Cheri Huber speak at Malaprops Book Store in Asheville. I bought her latest book “Making a Change for Good – A Guide to Compassionate Self-Discipline” because I wanted to keep this connection going that opened while Cheri talked. I felt deeply, excitedly inspired. Not because Cheri was saying anything that I wasn’t aware of and wholeheartedly believe myself. Because she was saying them with enthusiasm, humor, lightness and she is an older woman. There is still time for me.

So I’m out in the garden this morning, starting this day with a little read and meditation. I know it might sound silly, but I had no idea that this book was going to be of any particular service to me. Of course it is the right thing at the right time, or so it seems this morning. I’ve been looking for a sharp focus for the yoga classes I am teaching this month. Found it. Compassionate self-discipline. I need it. We need it.

Cheri talks about the “voice” that talks us out of our hopes, our dreams, our decisions. It is called the “conditioned mind”, the one we grew into from the moment we entered this world and the one that we resist and eventually let go of in our moving into wisdom. It is the voice that the practice of yoga quiets. It is the practice of being present in the moment. The voice does not live in the moment.

I learned a tool a few years ago of giving the voice a new job. When I become aware of the voice having an intention to rule the roost, I acknowledge its presence and give it a new job. It needs a new job and I’ve given it the job of running out into the world and bringing back to me the things that I require to create the life of my dreams. Should keep it busy for a long time.

Pretty much rambling this morning without a sharp focus. I hear the voice saying stuff about me not really being a writer, who reads my blog anyway, gotta get to some work that will earn me some money…noisy little booger. Off with ye. (Been using English Pirate on FB) Get thee out there in the world and bring me back some bounty!