I guess I wasn’t supposed to tell you what I was telling you when I wrote what I wrote before the power went out on my computer and I lost it all. And it was so good! I felt like I had finally bared my soul and wrote the goods. The start of something tangible. Pouring my heart out, letting myself be completely seen.

Nah.

How many people are out there wishing for that magical moment when the love of their life walks in the door, shows up next to them in the grocery line, bumps into them on the street, writes that email of interest from the online dating site? It is the week leading up to our Hallmark celebration of love day…Valentine’s Day. A whole lot of people are feeling the gaping hole created by red heart-shaped boxes lining the front of the grocery store isles, and various messages throughout all the media that screams “you’re nobody till somebody loves you!” Or maybe that’s just me… My wish for this week is that everybody, who has the slightest romantic interest in someone, take the leap and ask him or her out. Open to the possibility that person will say a resounding “yes”. I believe there is at least one someone for everyone. So…take a deep breath. Open your heart and go for it. And report back to me.

Normally I don’t start my day looking at the news as it tends to affect my mood. I don’t like starting out the day with sadness. This morning I had to do some online banking and when I was done clicked over to CNN.com. I read the article and listened to the clip about James Ray being arrested for the deaths of the 3 people in his Sedona sweatlodge last fall. As I watched him walk into the prison, he seemed to be falsely holding his head high, feigning dignity. At least I hope that was why his body language reflected a “holier than thou” attitude. I imagine he is afraid. He is human. A human who got lost in the power of inspiring people to greater heights. Read the rest of this entry »

This morning I  cleared the deck for action. Literally, though it is my desk I cleared. (There is still snow on my deck.) I spent the month of January with my desktop cluttered. Now it is organized and ready for action. I’ve spent the last few weeks making calls to stores, asking them to take a look at the Verbal Remedies™ product line, which includes the Earth Pledge of Allegiance and the Peace & Love symbol. I ordered 2000 Peace & Love window/bumper stickers, which should be here any day. I paid with my charge card and a great big helping of trust that people will love them and order them so quickly that I will be placing a reorder by the end of February.  So far…well, I continue to trust and make calls. I believe in what I am doing. I see the smiles spring to the faces of those who view my art. People all over Asheville sport the Peace & Love symbol on their cars and on shirts and hats that were produced a few years ago. Here is a picture of what the sticker looks like. Whaddya think?

When I woke up this morning, I had a different view as to how this day was going to play out. That changed at 8:15am when my daughter called and needed something. It’s not that I couldn’t say no, I didn’t want to. My 3 children are not children anymore to the world. All 3 have a family and work. All 3 have a home they maintain. All 3 have dogs. When they call and ask, I say yes in my head before I think it through. Usually the answer comes out of my mouth yes. My heart usually wins when it comes to them.

And that is what happened today. I rearranged my day to make it work so I could help at the beginning of the day and the end of the day. My reward was spending time with Elliot, my 2 year old granddaughter. My oldest daughter’s daughter. I remembered, as I followed quickly on her running little heels through the mall, days of following my own children. I knelt down beside her as she opened and closed every box on the shelf. I did not have that much patience with my own children. I know now that there is no sense arguing with a 2 year old. It’s best to watch and listen. It ends up taking far less time and a whole ton less angst.

Anyway…nothing more than that to write about. I’m tired and want to watch Desperate Housewives on abc.com. Nothing is coming up that feels worth expounding on. No gems of inspiration tonight. Stay tuned…

Today is the 1 year anniversary of Markus’ death. We celebrated him yesterday at Anna’s, gathering some of the people who were at the core of the grief last year. Anniversary and celebration…hardly 2 words that feel completely appropriate in light of the subject. And yet they are appropriate with a big helping of sadness on the side. It’s taken me all this time to get it that he is not coming back. That his life is over. Where is he? What is he? Does he still exist outside of our own hearts and minds, photos and video? My quick answer is yes. I hope that is so.

And what if the answer is no? What if there is no individual existence after this life? How does that change how we live? For me it changes nothing, other than to continue getting as much out of being alive as possible. Appreciating everything. Every last bit of it is a blessing, even the times when it feels like our hearts are breaking. Maybe even especially then because we get to feel our humanity deeply. It is not our hearts that are breaking. It is the walls we have constructed around them so we do not feel. When those walls break, we feel and we learn. And we appreciate.

It’s beginning to snow here in Asheville. When I was out today I heard a couple people dreading this snow. They are still recovering from the snow in late December that put a whole lot of people without electricity and others stranded on the road. So people are preparing for what they perceive as possible problems. Me, I’m happy, though I was not here for the first snow. I’ve got a fire catching in the woodstove and wood stacked up outside. I have enough food for a couple people for a couple days in my kitchen.

All the world becomes peaceful when the snow falls. There is a hush that comes over the land. Like a soft blanket muffling the sounds of the world. Ahhhhhhhhhhh. Breathe deeply.

Wishing I had a bottle of wine. Not as prepared as I thought.

I pledge allegiance to the Earth. I commit to loving this planet and all her inhabitants.

I pledge allegiance to the Flora, the fauna and the human life that it supports. I pledge to recognize each as a form of life to be honored and respected and acknowledged and appreciated as a part of creation, which makes us connected at the intrinsic level. (I think I used that word correctly…)

One Planet indivisible, with safe air, water and soil, economic justice, equal rights, and peace and love for all. We are each responsible for making it and keeping it this way and creating a wave of peace, coming from love, for all beings.

Is it a divine plan that as a general rule, the people of this country are too frightened to peer too long into what is really going on? We divert. Movies, TV, romance day-to-dayness. We have dumbed ourselves down into a “you do it…and fast” kind of people. We endure hardship without a lot of grace. “Whose fault is it I am unemployed?” Perhaps it is a trick of fate and perhaps it is self-inflicted and perhaps it is both. Our mentality is “who can I sue to make me feel better?”

Okay. So that is only part of us. Another voice, very quickly becoming a loud voice of peaceful union, is growing. I am taking my place in this vast group of beings. Now as I write. I agree to be courageous to a point that keeps me personally safe. That’s my limitation I hope I have earned. I intend to live in peace and love for many decades to teach the children. I have much to do and much to teach and I have only just begun to live…white lace and promises