Okay…I’m back again blogging. Ready to inspire and be inspired. For a while I just couldn’t get here, using the excuse I don’t want to lose the TEDx talk as my first entry for people to see. Even after I posted that video on my blipstudio.com site as well, I continued to use that excuse. The truth is that I was going through some stuff. Not tough stuff, just stuff. And I didn’t want to let it end up on the page, so to speak, until I moved through it and could write about it from the point of view of having done that. So here’s the gist of it…Last year was an amazing year with lots of great stuff popping up in it, like the graphic recording work, even doing that for Marianne Williamson. And the TEDx talk. I thought I had finally made it! Woo hoo! And it all seemed to disappear and I wondered “what’s wrong with me?” that I can’t sustain these great things that come into my life. It seemed to be my life story…something great shows up and then it just fades away. I get the big prize and then whoever or whatever figures out it was me that just got that and takes it back. Ooops. Not for her. She doesn’t get that.

That story started in 1st grade, at least in my earliest memory. Sister Alice Mary was giving away gifts at the end of the school year. The girl who Sister loved sat in front of me and we switched places in line. When I got to Sister’s desk, without looking up she handed me a big beautiful box of Blessed Mother stuff. I gasped and felt like I’d just been handed gold. Then…she looked up, saw it was me and took it away, handing me a holy card. Blammo. Proof that I was not worthy of such a great gift. Not good enough.

I then spent the rest of my life finding proof that I was not good enough. Not consciously, it was just the theme. We find proof of our inner most beliefs.

So what to do about that? Change the belief system, which I had thought I did, at least in my head. But some part of that belief lingered apparently, stored in my body. It was moving out because, as similar as everything was, it was also different. Instead of believing that I wasn’t good enough and walking away from all of the gold, I continued to forge ahead. I’d seen the results of me doing my “thing” in public through the TEDx talk and graphic recording gigs. People were definitely inspired, the work was definitely making a difference. I was making a difference. I started to look at what was right with me and put my focus there.

In Marianne Williamson’s book “The Gift of Change” she talks about going into every room of your house, metaphorically. Sitting down in each room and checking it out, seeing what you like and don’t like, open the closets and take a look. In other words, look at yourself and look at your shadow, all those things about us we hide from even ourselves. We’ve all got stuff we don’t like and that’s okay. It’s like sitting in a room of your house, realizing you just don’t like the color of the paint on the walls. Once you admit that, you have a choice to either get another color and paint or just let it be and know that you’ll either paint it someday or you won’t. Now you won’t have to close the door on that room any longer. No more hiding what it is in there you don’t like.

Alrighty…off to a meditation. That and yoga keeps me balanced. Have a great and beautiful day.